Failure

I've been dragging my feet. Procrastinating. Blaming everything and anything for why I still haven't gotten around to it. But, really, the reason is simple. I haven't tried to complete my AREs because, well, I failed the first one I took.

I'm embarrassed. I've never failed anything. I prided myself on that; in the end, I'd pull it out because I'd put in the time, the effort, to make it happen. Not this time. This time, I opened a letter and, as dramatic as it sounds, my world as I knew it disappeared.

I feel like a fraud. A phoney. I excelled at school, and yet, when I needed it most, I couldn't find success. Instead I've let a year and a half go by, ignoring the biggest elephant in the room. I know that, if I ever want to call myself an "Architect", I have to make it past this final obstacle. But, right now, I'm ready to throw in the towel.

Miss Me?

I fell off the face of the earth. A black hole that seemingly took every last speck of the light that made up my days. Renovating this house has been a herculean task. Up at sunrise, working until dusk. All in the vain hope of completing this craziness.

Add to it teaching. Rewarding, yes. And an additional time suck. Nights preparing assignments and slideshows. Desk crits and reviews that interrupt the work day. Suddenly torn between two jobs, two lives, unsure if I have been able to dedicated myself to each with true conviction. That's what's been on my mind.

I am actually living the dream. One foot in academia, one foot in practice. On a good day, I tell myself, this is what I want. I like going back and forth. I like working on site and in the classroom.

But on rough day days, which seem to be a majority of them lately, I wonder if one might have to give for the other. If I commit to something, I give everything I have. But when you have two things vying for that attention, can you do each justice? Or does something give? I worry that, if I find out the answer to this, it may be because of an incident that I am unable to recover from.

I know, I come back after months with something depressing. Not necessarily how I'd like to do things, but its all I got right now. I only hope that, on the horizon, is a light that provides new inspiration.

Moments in Hell #4

Moments in Hell #4:

I had just spent the entire day surfing the internet, since no one in the office had work I could assist with. I was getting ready to leave when I heard the ominous words you never want to hear: 'Do you think you can come as assist us with a presentation.' The wonderful people in charge of marketing wanted programming diagrams for a proposal, which of course, were due the next day. Funny how they couldn't get around to it until 6 pm. Let's just say I made up those 8 hours.

Silent Observer, (when I was in New York City)

Moments in Hell #3

Moments in Hell #3:

The other day a client, who is developing a set of townhouses, asked me to revise a floorplan: smaller laundry room, bigger closet. Fine, except that the new laundry room, with a corner door that the client wants, will prevent a washing machine from fitting through the door and then back into the space provided. I explained this to the client, showing a drawing with dimensions. The client thinks it will be fine and has gone ahead and built the corner door. I guess we'll just have to see who was right.

Silent Observer, Utah

Moments in Hell #2

Moments in Archi-Hell #2:

Today, our client informed us that they would like to buy a sculpture piece for their living room. It is 22 feet tall and 3 feet wide. To comply with the town building's requirements, we can have 19 foot ceilings. Still, they forwarded us photos of the sculpture with the request: At some point would you tell us if there is a way we could fit it in?

CASwimmer, California

She asked me to include this:

Introducing....Moments from Hell...

So, as you can see, going back to an office has been less than helpful on the writing end. Let's just say, going back to work is pretty much like pushing the play button on a life you had on pause. The scenery changes, but not much else.

Today, I was gchating with an old classmate, lamenting about certain horrors that have come rushing back now that I am working again. Her converstation, along with an awesome email from another classmate, has lead me to this new series on my blog - a way to kick-start things back here. So, without further ado:

Moments from Archi-hell.

Think of it as twitter updates, or shorts stories along the lines of fmylife. I'll take submissions, if readers out there have some gems they wish to share. Send them to me, with your psuedonym and location. Otherwise, I'll draw from my own archives....

Moments from Archi-Hell, #1:

Today, a client asked me to re-arrange a corner office and a server room. The new arrangement has created a windowless office and a server room with a great view.

-melis, alabama